It's a common scenario. One parent is ready to tackle healthy eating, but the other isn't. It's not because we don't want to be healthy. Sure, we all do. In many cases, we simply look at food from different perspectives. In fact, this very subject was recently covered in Parents Magazine where Mom tries to serve her child fruits and vegetables, but Dad doesn't.
Dad Says:
"Growing up, I was forced to eat whatever was put in front of me. One time my mom made me eat cream of broccoli soup, and it made me gag. When I see my daughter struggle with food, I understand. If she refuses what I offer her, I replace the offending food with something she likes.I don't push vegetables on her; she doesn't like them. We've tried to steam or sauté broccoli with different sauces, but she refuses it. When I pick her up from day care, we have a snack: popcorn, chocolates, or yogurt, or I'll give her a frozen mango fruit puree. I have a sweet tooth, so if she eats what I give her I'll share a treat with her. We definitely eat junk food between meals. We also use candy as a counting tool. We'll lay little chocolates on the table and ask, 'How many will we eat today?' I try to make it fun for her!"
Read the entire article here, but Dad's perspective on the situation is not uncommon. Naturally, the thought of candy and sweets lights up our brain a bit and we want our kids to experience that same blissful feeling. It's a sign of love to them and in many cases that trumps healthy choices in every situation. Strike a nerve? We'll cover the psychology behind that very thought soon enough (that's a blog series in and of itself).
In this week's series, we cover how to get your significant other on board with your healthy eating efforts because getting this person on board with making healthy changes is usually the hardest step. The good news is, once you do, it only gets easier from here. The support of your spouse or significant other will make dealing with your children and other members of your family much easier during this time of transition to a healthier lifestyle.
Everyone is different. Your significant other may jump at the chance to adopt healthy habits, or they may be entirely resistant. It’s helpful to understand where they fall on this continuum of desire-to-change. Their level of desire to change will affect how you approach helping them toward a healthier lifestyle.
Here’s how to respond to where they’re at:
1. Ready and willing to change. Great! If your spouse is ready and willing to change, jump on their motivation and start planning, as a team, ways you will both live healthier. Team work is key…you are each others support system and you’ll be much more successful if your spouse is part of the decision making.
Motivation is only part of the equation, though. Ask the questions: Why haven’t we made these changes already? What are our barriers? Understanding what has inhibited you in the past will enable you to plan solutions to help guarantee your success in the future.
2. Thinking about change. Sometimes the idea of change sounds good, but your spouse just isn’t sure about making the commitment. Discuss with them: Why wouldn’t you want to change? Many times your spouse has fears of failure, fear of giving up foods or leisure time, or they see themselves as too busy to make time for healthy changes. Encourage them by showing that change doesn’t mean giving up the things they love. There are almost always healthier versions of favorite foods. Even less healthy foods can be enjoyed with moderation and portion control. Many leisure activities can be made into opportunities for physical activity, such as golf, shopping, and dancing.
It’s also helpful to focus on making gradual change to avoid overwhelming you or your spouse. Work together to come up with short term goals that you both can agree on. This may be drinking less soda, getting a little more physical activity each week, or eating one more serving of fruits and vegetables each day.
3. Refusal to change. The biggest mistake you can make with a spouse in this stage (or any stage) is nag. When your spouse hears what he or she “should” be doing, they hear judgment and are going to react negatively and resist. Instead, make healthy lifestyle changes look attractive. Be a good role model and find enjoyment in your own personal health victories. Is your exercise habit giving you more energy throughout the day? Do you feel better since you’ve cut out unhealthy foods? Share any positives you experience with your spouse.
Focus on positives in their own lives, as well. I have yet to meet someone who doesn’t do anything positive in regard to their health. Do they already get 7-8 hours of sleep at night? Is there a healthy food they already enjoy? No matter how small, find the positives in their life and show them that they aren’t as far from a healthy lifestyle as they think.
You can even entice the desire to change by discussing the possibilities of a healthier lifestyle. What would they hope to gain? What do you hope to gain? A smaller waistline, more energy, feeling younger, or reduced disease risk and/or symptoms are all benefits of a healthier lifestyle.
No matter where your spouse is on this scale, remember that team work, a positive approach, and being a good role model are the most important things you can do to influence their success. You can’t force your spouse to change, but with a little patience and persistence, you can help guide them in the right direction.
Good Luck with your efforts and stay tuned for our next release as we talk about how to get your kids and the extended family (aka- all the grandparents) on board with your healthy eating plans.
p.s. You have more influence than anyone else to create change in your household, so be encouraged to make changes! Let us know if your spouse is impacting your kids health in the comments below.
Mandy Curry is the Co-Founder of Healthy Kids Inc and Sarah Sturgill is a Registered Dietitian with a certification in childhood and adolescent weight management. They are the co-author to the "Step by Step Guide to Overcoming Picky Eaters," a free eBook download helping parents overcome their child's picky tendencies.